What time does Sean Connery like to get to Wimbledon?
Tennish

Did you hear about the Mexican train killer?
He had locomotives.

Have you seen that new movie “Constipated?”
That’s because it hasn’t come out yet

What do you call someone running in front of a car? Tired. What do you call someone running behind a car? Exhausted.

Did you hear about the scarecrow who won the Nobel Prize?
He was outstanding in his field.

Why can’t a pirate make it through their ABC’s?
They always get lost at C.

Why did Ariel wear seashells? …………………………… Because she outgrew her Bshells

What do you call an alligator in a vest?
An Investigator

How many tickles does it take to make a squid laugh?
Ten-tickles

A teenage boy is getting ready to take his girlfriend to the prom. First he goes to rent a tux, but there’s a long tux line at the shop and it takes forever.
Next, he has to get some flowers, so he heads over to the florist and there’s a huge flower line there. He waits forever but eventually gets the flowers.
Then he heads out to rent a limo. Unfortunately, there’s a large limo line at the rental office, but he’s patient and gets the job done.
Finally, the day of the prom comes. The two are dancing happily and his girlfriend is having a great time. When the song is over, she asks him to get her some punch, so he heads over to the punch table and there’s no punchline.